Micheel

A dear friend passed away on Saturday. Micheel truly lived for Jesus and didn't hesitate to tell others about the change He had made in her life. She used her battle with cancer as an outlet to share about the peace she had because of her Savior.

While I'm grateful for the opportunity to say "I love you" just one more time, what was sandwiched between our first hello and our last goodbye is what remains to be most dear.

I think it might have been my first ah-ha moment, hopefully not my last. This being the day I opened the DNA results from the lab. It is a requirement for Guatemalan adoptions to confirm child and mother are indeed biologically connected. I was SO excited to see that envelope as I pulled out the mail, partly because I had no idea it was on its way and also because we were "crossing" something off our list. We were making progress.

So imagine my surprise as I opened the envelope like a wild woman only to come across a single polaroid picture of Mia with her Mama L. Then it became so real. For months Mia's Mama had just been a name on a piece of paper. Now I saw a face. And sad eyes.

It is becoming more and more difficult for me to wrap my mind around it all...to accept that a source of such joy has caused someone, Mama L., so much pain. Sure we hurt. Sure I have days when I'd rather just lay in bed then face another day without her. I'm beginning to realize that our hurt has an end date; Mia will be home with us. But Mama L. isn't so fortunate and that just hurts my heart more than you can imagine.

Hoping for the best, but preparing for "second" best

We're well aware that if we get another kick-out (from PGN) we will certainly miss Mia's first birthday. I know it was just plain ignorant of me, but I never thought we'd be faced with this. We've had some time to mull things over and I think we have a plan (I know, dangerous-huh?!). While our hope is to be released from this PGN soon, we could very well be in for another round. We have to face it. So, we made our way to the post office to file for a passport for Spencer. He's three and not really into the whole picture thing lately. So, yes maybe I was a bit nervous when it came to picture time at the post office. And maybe I did use a bit of bribery...I'll admit it! Thankfully, there's a no smile required policy when it comes to passports. That's right up our alley.

We still hold out hope for good news, but we're determined to be with Mia on her birthday no matter the circumstances. We want Spencer to realize Mia is more than a fictional character that exists solely in pictures or the occasional two minute video tape. Oh, and our arms are just aching to hold her again too.

Recent picture of Mia

A few weeks ago, we were blessed with 11 recent pictures of Mia. What I want to know is how in the world she was able to make the same face in all 11 pictures. That's talent if you ask me!

Thankful Tuesday

I'm so thankful that I have so many thick-skinned friends who love me right where I am at and are ready at any given moment to heap on the forgiveness. Maybe you can sense it has been one of "those" days. My dear, you're very perceptive indeed!

Isn't she precious?

"So,what's going on?"

Our case is officially back in PGN (Guatemala's Attorney General's office) as of April 11th. Our first entry date into PGN was December 20th, with a "kickout" February 9th. A "kickout" happens after the reviewer finds an error of some sort in your file. Our reviewer found four errors, or previos. Three of the previos were considered local, meaning they could be resolved without any effort on our part. Our fourth previo was a doozy. It required a little more than we had to offer at the time, but we made it. We kissed our paperwork good-bye the first week of March. Later that week we got word that it was in Guatemala. From there the paperwork was legalized and translated. Long story long, we were out of the game for two whole months. Zippo action on our case. Oh, and PGN may feel like prison, except there's no credit for "time served". That's right, we start over folks! So, if PGN plays by its rules, we should hear a "yea" or "nay" sometime the end of May (typically 6-8 weeks). If it happens to be "yea", we expect to travel 4-6 weeks after (late June). If it is a "nay"....oh, I just can't go there now!

On a side note, I have an apology to make. For too long I've expected people to understand where I'm at emotionally. I realize now, this is just plain unfair. What I can ask for though is understanding. That's different, you know? I may be a little withdrawn, not the friend I once was, but I'll come around...I promise. And while the honesty is flowing, I must admit I'm not doing as well as I project. I just can't hold it all in anymore. While the questions are a sign of great concern, I'm finding it more and more difficult to find the answers and deliver them in a way that expresses my appreciation. Please know that we're truly grateful for you all and never doubt this journey would have been far more difficult, if not impossible, without you.

When I came up with the title, Better Than Humdrum, for this blog, my dad simply asked, "At this point, wouldn't you just settle for humdrum?". And you know, I don't think I even answered him. The honest truth is, I wouldn't trade this rocky experience for anything. Even at my lowest I've always known our journey would be worth it.

How This All Started...

We received some news on our case today. The news was good, but I find myself down. Why? Because I had myself ready for BETTER news. I shoulda known then I was setting myself up for a big mess.

Our patient social worker again mentioned starting a blog. I figured it is cheaper than therapy at this point, so here goes nothing...